Fiction: The Editing

Still working on the Fiction post idea, but I think I have something I like. So, starting today I'm going to take last week's bare-bones bit of fiction and do a bit of editing to it to try and spruce it up. Next week I'll see about repeating the process -- new bare-bones piece one week and editing it the next -- till a story is finished.

"This can't be a good idea, Boss," a large, strongly-built bald man said as he peered over the edge of an ancient, ruined balcony that jutted out roughly six feet from the metallic walls of the great tower -- a massive structure built by the ancestors before the fall of humanity. Boss, a much shorter man bearing a large grin on his ratty face, stood behind him.
    "You're right, Stew, it's a great idea," Boss said, finishing his inspection of Stew's backpack and chuckling softly. "Now, can you hear me on that set? Testing..."
   Stew fiddled with the tiny, old ear piece, a bit of the ancestor's technology the two of them had found in a sealed off room deeper in the tower -- a very rare piece in working condition, "Yeah, I can hear ya. Bit crackly."
   "It'll do, it'll do."
   "Listen Boss, before we do anythin' I want you to know that this ain't what I had in mi-" before Stew could finish he felt a sharp push from behind and was soon flying through the air and off the side of the balcony. The sun-baked wasteland, thousands of feet below, was rushing up towards him ever faster.
    "Just go with the flow!" Boss called down before breaking off into laughter.
    Stew hurtled down the side of the tower, regaining control of his senses and doing the only thing he could right now -- searching for the other balcony he was supposed to land on. It was not that easy, however, as there were hundreds of old balconies on this part of the tower. Legend has it that millions of people once lived within this structure before the fall -- frankly, Stew never believed it. Heck, he was not even sure how much a 'millions' was, and, right now, it did not really matter.
    "You're getting close to the balcony, move to your left a few feet and get ready to pull your chute," Boss said, crackling over the old earpiece Stew wore.
    "Are you sure the chute will work, Boss?"
    "Of course! I packed most of it myself."
    Stew stayed silent for a few moments before letting out a muffled sigh, "alright Boss, I see the balcony, pulling the chute." He yanked the old, plastic handle on the small pack he wore. Dust and old fabrics shot out  and filled with air, abruptly slowing Stew’s descent and nearly snapping the bag's straps. The parachute had no control mechanisms, meaning Stew had to rely largely on the winds and some fidgeting to maneuver himself over and down onto the target ledge. He managed to land hard but relatively safe on the crumbling concrete balcony.
    "Make it, Stew?" Boss crackled.
    "I'm in, Boss. Glad the hard part's over."
    "Oh, that wasn't the hard part, that was the easy part."
    "Why ain't I surprised... What do I do now, then?"
    "Now you get that door in front of you open and sneak-"
    "Sneak? You seen how big I am, Boss?"
    "Well, you don't have to sneak if you don't want to, but you will have go down the hall to your left where you'll find two doors -- take the one on the right."
    "On the right, got'cha."
    "And don't forget to take out the robot guards."
    "Robot guards? You never mentioned robot guards before."
    "Oh? Must've slipped my mind. Anyway, be careful! I'll see you soon," the line went to static as Boss shut off his ear piece.
    Stew grumbled and kicked in the old, rusty metal door that led to the dark hallway.


I spent most of the editing time and energy towards the beginning of the piece trying to add a bit more detail and explanation. When I wrote the original piece I had no story or characters in mind and only an inkling of a setting, so I'm just starting to get a feel for what's happening and what might happen next. I just hope it translates to a reader.